Brave Laird Colyne and His Quest for the Holy Pail

Brave Laird Colyne and His Quest for the Holy Pail
April?, 2002

One fine day in early April, a young fighter named Colyne Stewart traveled to the Shire of Flaming Sky with the intention of going upon a quest, for he had heard it told that there was a relic of great and wondrous power to be found there, the Holey Pail. Colyne was not the only brave soul to venture out that day. Several others went forth upon the quest as well, most of them Knights! This however did not discourage the young Laird for he had courage in his heart and thought it would be fun!

So, off he went, along with his faithful squire, horse and bard. He knew that there would be many challenges and trials to face along the way and he was right. The first was the Challenge of Youth, for barring his way suddenly was the youngest fighter in the land who demanded a duel. And so, the two fought fiercely, and eventually the young lad did best Laird Colyne, having the advantage of Youth on his side. But Colyne was not discouraged to learn a lesson in humility, and so bid Youth farewell and continued on his quest, leaving the young man to face the Knights who would soon follow.

Colyne rode on, deeper into the forest, followed by his servants, his bard singing wild, tuneless ballads intermittently. He rode a long time, through the forest and up a great mountain to a wide plain where he met the second of his trials - The Dark Knight Of The Soul, who demanded Colyne face him before he would let the Laird pass. With courage in his heart, Colyne drew his sword once more. The fighting was terrible and ferocious, and it seemed for a time that all was lost for our hero. But he fought so bravely and with such courage that at last he landed a resounding blow to the Dark Knight's helm. Reeling, the Dark Knight Of The Soul declared his satisfaction, proclaiming Colyne worthy of his quest. As a token, the Dark Knight gave the Laird a candle and told him that it's luminance would shed light in darkness and give light to wisdom should he need it.

Thanking the Knight, Colyne pressed on, down the other side of the mountain to a clearing in the forest. Here he rested briefly, while his retainers cheered his name with great fervor. Soon, he could stand no more of the dreadful noise and he set forth once more, until he came across the crouched form of a sleeping serpent. Colyne knew that this was his next trial and he walked boldly up to the serpent, pounding his shield to wake the creature. With a hiss and a twirl the dragon came awake and knew at once that Colyne had come to do battle. The Dragon asked if Colyne had come for its heart and Colyne replied that he had. The dragon hissed again, its claws flashing, its stance wary as it circled around the young Laird. Tauntingly, and sure of victory, the Dragon told him that there was only one place that it was vulnerable, and to get passed it, Colyne must strike it in that place. Colyne realized that the Serpent's weakness was the spot over its heart and in three mighty blows he struck the beast a clean blow in its weak spot and the serpent curled upon itself, defeated. As a token, the Dragon gave Colyne one of its claws and sent him on his way, warning him that there were yet more challenges awaiting that he must face before his journey would be complete.

Bearing his tokens and determined to succeed, Colyne rode off once more until he came to a castle. But before he could enter, a Djinn who called himself the Quiz Master appeared and denied him entrance unless he could first answer the questions the Djinn would pose. Colyne, of course, agreed and bade the Djinn to ask on.

The first question was 'Who is the most beautiful woman in Ealdormere?' to which Colyne immediately replied that his Lady Wife was. The Djinn said this was a fair answer, but that a better one would have been that the Queen was the most beautiful in all of Ealdormere, but that his wife was the most beautiful of his heart.

The Second Question was 'Who was the first King of Ealdormere?' which, being somewhat of a historian, Colyne easily answered that it was David. The Djinn was pleased.

The Third Question, Colyne did not know the answer to and the Djinn cackled in delight and told him that he must then answer one final question or be turned away.

The Final Question was 'How much does it cost to bribe the Quiz Master?' to which the bard, used to dealing in the circles of gamblers and trickery, quickly answered that the Quiz Master could not be bribed. This also delighted the Djinn and he granted them entrance into the castle, giving them a book to write words of knowledge in.

Fortunate to have a bard of such knowledge (but unfortunate to have one of such little bardic ability) Laird Colyne set forth into the castle where he came to a great hall. Within were many courtly folk and tables laden with refreshment. Here he was greeted by a fair Duchess who told him that until she was satisfied of his courtly manners and mastery of dance, he could not leave.

And so, much dancing and revelry ensued, and much flirting. Colyne flirted with his bard, and his squire flirted with his horse so much that the young Laird began to feel that his man was spending far too much time in the stables! It was long into the day when finally all the questors were assembled in the Hall, dancing and making merry. All were given tokens of bells from Her Grace as a symbol of their courtly prowess. But soon, they grew restless and desired to continue on their quest. But the Duchess informed them that though she was satisfied, they were all being held in the castle by enchantment and she did not know how to break it!

It was then that a mysterious stranger appeared in their midst and declared himself Tim the Enchanter. He told the questors that the time had come at last for them to continue upon the quest and that to do so, all they must do was graciously ask the Duchess's permission, which she gave willingly. So, together, the company of Knights and fighters followed Tim to the outskirts of the lair of a great and terrible beast. The final trial, the last challenge before the Pail could be uncovered was to face the fury of a monstrous Hare!

At that point, the Baron and Baroness of Skraeling Althing, who's land is home to the Hare, came forth bearing a letter of regret from the Hare that he was unable to attend that day, but was sending in his place a Ram, and just so there would be no hard feelings, he had dressed the Ram as a hare, sorry for any inconvenience, etc. etc.

And so, Tim the Enchanter extolled the terrible nature of the Hare, er, Ram and at that the swordsmen all leapt forward to do battle with the costumed creature. They swung mightily at it as it flew through the air about them. At last a decidedly ferocious blow from one of the Knights slew the creature and the Pail was revealed amongst the guts of the Ram, claimed in an instant by a man by the name of Robert the Blue, who happened to be standing closest to it when it fell.

And so, the honour fell to that gentle to present the Holey Pail to His Majesty (along with the unending tale of his adventure) and all were treated to the most magnificent feast in memory. And though Colyne had not won the Pail, he had proven himself courageous and true and had much fun doing so! And, thankfully, his bard chose to write the tale of his adventure, and did not sing it...

The End.